Dreams Starting

In the summer of 2011, I went to a beautiful estate called, Wiston Estate. A friend was pioneering his first event of “David’s Tent”, with a heart to gather passionate worshipers and to cultivate a true expression of freedom. Named after the character of “David” in the Bible, who was a man undignified in freedom, this weekend reflected that too. There was no judgement but pure love  – space to dance, sing, paint etc.

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Over the weekend, I started to notice dreams and visions begin to come to the surface of my heart. It was the first moment I recognised that I have a love of photography and a heart to go into modelling.  I kept the modelling part a secret as I didn’t want anyone to think I was egotistical, as that wasn’t my intention at all. There was a deep desire inside to see ‘beauty’ restored in the industry, as I began to dream of people being set free through seeing Jesus in model’s eyes and encountering a love they never knew could exist. I could feel this dream being birthed in the depths of my heart. I didn’t know why exactly it was my dream, but I couldn’t ignore it. I realised there must be a reason. So I simply pondered it.

We are each unique and as we come alive in who we are, others come alive in who they are too. – Jessica 

A friend, Iona Maclean, without me saying a word about this secret dream inside, which felt super fresh, randomly asked if I would ever want to model? I couldn’t believe her question as it felt like a confirmation that it must be God, as I knew she didn’t know what He had just shown me. After I vulnerably shared that I did have a dream for it, but wasn’t sure if I would be good enough, she began to help me see the power of the dream and not to ignore it. She immediately then began to intentionally believe in me and something settled inside of me. I felt truly seen and loved. Her beautiful heart to champion me, gave space for a dream to come into the open in that moment that might otherwise never have. Within a couple of hours she had intentionally set up a photoshoot for me with a someone she knew who was a photographer at the event!

This photo above was taken moments before the shoot. Barefoot and ready, Iona carried me most of the way along the gravel path! This felt like a moment I would look back on and remember her solid and beautiful heart, being the first to carry forward this little dream inside.

As we began to shoot, nerves dropped off as I noticed how the photographer, Jon Self, saw beyond my outward beauty and into my heart. He drew that out and captured who I am. This made me realise that that is the most beautiful thing – the fragrance of who I am.  I felt totally alive. This shoot was the very START of me believing my desires could come true. In that moment of him believing in me, I started to believe in myself. It created room for something beautiful to bloom inside of me.

Jon captured my heart and who I am. He told me: “I can see Jesus in your eyes”, which was something Heidi Baker had told me too. I was deeply touched by this, as that is something that God had shown me in the visions I was having that weekend for the modelling and beauty industry – I saw people encountering Jesus through the eyes of models on front covers of magazines, advertisements etc. In my vision it was the eyes that stood out to me as it’s through the eyes that we can see the heart.  I began to dream that one day someone would meet Jesus simply through my eyes and possibly my face on a front cover of a magazine!

I can’t explain it other than I saw myself differently when I looked into the camera. It felt like it was through another pair of eyes. My shame and fears dropped off and I felt like royalty, precious, seen, known, held, forgiven and loved. Feelings that I can still feel!

It was an unforgettable experience. I saw for the first time that God has given us each dreams and desires to pursue unashamedly, no matter what they are, they will have a purpose beyond what we imagined. Who we are is all that matters to Him, as we get to reflect Him and His character.

 

Joy, peace, vibrancy, simplicity and hope were captured…

 

“When I run I feel God’s pleasure”
Eric Liddell

This was the quote going through my head while on shoot, as I realised that for me “when I model I feel God’s pleasure”. I felt this is where I come to life.

“I am His masterpiece”

“You are fearfully and wonderfully made, my works are wonderful I know that full well” – Psalm 139:14

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